I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's shark week go big or go home
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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