A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
