you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Houston, we have a squirter
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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