Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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