bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
