you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
