community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
