Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
