Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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