No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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