When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
