I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize