my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
