his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize