hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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