are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
