Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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