wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
