pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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