yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
