You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
