My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
