our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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