my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
