Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize