thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
