I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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