i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
