Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
