I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
