I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
