my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
