Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
