You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
