As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
