I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We left the knife in your bed.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
