what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
