Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize