Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
