but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
