soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
