didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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