THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Randomize
