I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
