I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
