I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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