The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize