Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
