we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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