I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
