my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Barsexuality is the new black.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
