One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
