How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
