fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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