Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
