I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
and she was petting her beer can
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize