her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
