I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
