normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Two words: blizzard sex
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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