I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
