yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
