4 words: hood of his car
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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