I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
