the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
