do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
