I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize