Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
