Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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