I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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