Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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