She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
