Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
you never un-have a 4some
My Sexting was not on an AP level
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
