He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
